inarticulatefumblings

Ask the Right Questions First

2011-12-31T04:21:00.000-08:00

OK. You have joined acouple of dating services and written a killer profile. You’ve uploaded a good picture and now youare going to chat with a contact. Whatnow? How do you start separating thosewho have real potential and those who don’t have any potential at all? You need to find out something about who thisstrange woman really is and not just who she wants you to believe she is. It would be nice if women wore labels like“Gold Digger” or “Daddy’s girl”….but they don’t so it’s up to you to find thesethings out and you can’t just ask direct questions. You need to know what mistakes you can avoidmaking and how to impress this lady if you decide you want to do that.

After you are past the initial small talk, ask her, “What arethe biggest mistakes guys make when dating online?” Listen carefully to her answers. She’s going to tell you a lot about herselfand her views on men in general.

Next you should ask her, “What do you really think aboutonline dating?” Now she will tell you ifshe has had any bad experiences dating o line and help you to avoid making thesame things wrong.

Now for the all-important one…..”What caused the break up inyour last relationship?” If she puts allthe blame on the guy, you should probably move on to the next prospect. If she takes all the blame herself, youshould probably do the same. If she saysthe breakup was by mutual consent or that the relationship just wasn’t rightfor either of them, you’ve heard the right answer. Move forward but always with caution.

Asking the right questions will give you insight and make youmore confident when you meet the lady for the first time.

A Man's Secrets to Successful Online Dating

2011-12-30T04:23:00.000-08:00

People have taken to online dating like a duck takes towater…because it works…or, at least, it can work. Women are, in general, terrified of meeting aman that she has been chatting with online. All they have heard about are the scary things that can happen…and, Imust say, they have a right to be careful to the extreme. That’s not only wise but vital. So what’s a nice guy to do? You aren’t a pervert, a sexual predator, or aweirdo. You are just a nice guy lookingfor “the” girl for you.

You must be patient. Don’t press her for personal information like her real name or where shelives. Keep your conversations light andfun until she feels comfortable talking with you online. Don’t try to rush her into meetingface-to-face. She will think you aredesperate or a pervert. Patience. Patience. Patience.

Be absolutely honest about your physical appearance andjob. A good relationship has never been,and will never be, built on lies and deceit. Eventually she will find out the truth anyway and there you are back atsquare one.

A picture really is worth a thousand words. Post many pictures of yourself doing youreveryday activities and make them full body shots, not just head shots. If you were dating a girl in the real worldshe wouldn’t just see your head.

Once the discussion has been opened about meetingface-to-face for the first time, suggest that you meet in a very public place,during daylight hours and that she bringa friend with her. After all, you havenothing to hide. You’ve told her thetruth about yourself and she has already seen a lot of pictures of you. The only thing left is to make her feel safemeeting you.

Nice Guys Do It, Too!

2011-12-30T04:19:00.001-08:00

I’m talking about online dating, of course. When thephenomenon of online dating sites started several years ago, they were a havenfor perverts, sexual predators, nerds, and weirdoes of assorted varieties.

That is just no longer the case. All the stigma of onlinedating is gone. Online dating has gonemain stream and is, not only acceptable, but expected. Online dating has becomethe primary tool of single people of all ages to generate an interesting andrewarding social life.

Let’s face it…we are busy guys. We just simply do not havethe time, the energy, or the financial where-with-all to date several nightseach week while we look for the “one”. You can sort through hundreds ofprofiles in a month for less money than you would spend on one evening out,thus, saving time and money. We use the internet to save ourselves time andmoney for a lot of things like investments, shopping, medical information, andcommunications.

Why not make use of such a useful tool for our social andpersonal lives as well? You could find the love of your life. At the veryleast, you will meet some interesting people and possibly make some lastingfriendships. It’s easy to get started. Allyou need is a computer and an internet connection. You’ll need to search foronline dating services that meet your specific needs. They are many and varied.

Join one or two. Then you’ll need to write a great profile,upload a recent picture of yourself and start making and answering contacts. Thatreally is all there is to it…that and patience.

Don’t wait any longer to start your new and interestingsocial life. Miss or Ms. “Right” couldbe only a few clicks of the mouse away.

Online Dating Can Be Tough

2011-12-30T04:18:00.001-08:00

Here’s a little secret that those of the female persuasionkeep from us guys: Women, even verybeautiful women, like to be approached by a confident and interesting man. Are you surprised? It’s true…and confident and interesting aremuch more important than looks to ladies of all ages, too. That’s true forinternet dating, as well as, dating in your brick and mortar world but we’retalking about internet dating here…so back to the subject at hand.

Once you have joined an online dating service, you will findthat there a lot more men than women and that the men are much more likely tobrowse profiles and make initial contacts than women. Yes, it’s a woman’s world…still. It’s “traditional” for men to make the firstmove. It always has been and it alwayswill be. Some things never change. That’s why your profile and picture are soimportant.

Remember…confident and interesting….and that does nottranslate to cocky and self-centered. It’s important that your profile lets peopleknow that you have friends you care about and that you are passionatelyinterested in a variety of things…not JUST sports. Another thing about thatall-important profile….please don’t start it with, “I’m the guy your mamawarned you about”.

You will have just shot yourself in the foot with thatline. Another one to never use is, “Icould be the man of your dreams”. Thelady HOPES you are but she will be the judge of that…so don’t insult herintelligence. Remember….exude confidence and interesting and you will find thatlady you have been looking for…or she will find you.

Won’t it be nice to have the ladies contacting you instead ofyou having to do everything? If youwrite a great profile that stands out in the crowd, that will happen.

Online Flirting – A New Art Form

2011-12-30T04:16:00.000-08:00

Many of the same things work for online flirting that workfor “brick and mortar” flirting and all relationships begin with successfulflirting. Flirting is an art thatrequires oozing confidence without being OTT. If you go too far, she will label you “slimy” If you don’t go farenough, she will label you “wimpy”. Sohow do you achieve that point half way between slimy and wimpy and do it onlinewithout using eye contact or body language? All you have is a computer an internet connection and membership in anonline dating site, right?

Have fun! Be light-hearted, funny andentertaining. Make her eager to talk toyou again. Flirting is playful.
Ooze confidence. Successful flirts have a positive outlook onlife. You need to transmit the “feelgood” factor. An optimistic attitudeattracts females like honey attracts flies.
Compliment her…and do it often and sincerely. Nothing opens doors like making her feel goodabout herself. She will want to spend moretime with you and if she pays you a compliment say “thank you”. Do Not be self depreciating.
Listen…listen….listen. Pay attention to what she says and askappropriate questions. Get her to openup and talk about herself. Make her feellike she is interesting and that you are interested in her. Works wonders!
Don’t be rude. Flirting does not include being sexuallyexplicit nor taking offence if the lady isn’t responding to you. If she isn’tinterested, take the hint and move on to the next prospect. If you get a lot of rejections, you shouldprobably consider a different approach.
Send an email after you chat. This ranks right up there with sending athank you note for a gift and it is vital to successful flirting.

Don’t try to go too fast. Flirting is the first step to a successfulrelationship.

Honesty Really is the Best Policy

2011-12-29T19:20:00.000-08:00

When you join an online dating service, you are looking for agirl that you can like…even come to love. That girl is looking for a guy that SHE can like or even love. What you aren’t looking for is a girl whowould like your best friend or your idea of what the perfect guy looks like ortalks like or thinks like. So, in orderto find the right girl for you…and she IS out there…you need to be completelyhonest with yourself about yourself when writing the online profile, during thedating process and beyond.

The best way to begin writing your profile is to carefullyanalyze your past relationship (s). Whatwas right? What was wrong? What things really made you like the lastgirl? Which didn’t? Don’t assume that just because you hated thatyour last girl was so totally self-involved that she couldn’t see anythingelse, you’ll be able to overlook that quality this time. You won’t.

If you aren’t 6’1”with a six-pack to be proud of, don’t claim to be. If you are a bar tender, don’t claim to be alawyer with a six figure income. If you are 40 going on 50, don’t pretend to be30 something.

Remember, the idea here is to find a girl who will like youexactly like you are. If you have lied in your profile, the first face-to-facemeeting will remove all her doubt that you are a liar…and probably a cheat, aswell.

Lastly, once you have found a girl that you believe can bethe one for you, for goodness sakes, cancel your membership to the onlinedating service. After all, you know andshe knows that online dating services are intended for those who arelooking…not those who have found or been found

Online Dating For Single Men

2011-12-26T04:17:00.000-08:00

No matter what your age, height, weight or physicalappearance, there are thousands of women out there eager to meet you and eagerfor your company…whether short-term or long-term relationships are what youwant. If you have found yourselfsuddenly “on-the-market” again after a relationship has dissolved or are justtoo busy with your work to spend a lot of time looking for a lady to keep youcompany, online dating can open the door to the dating scene for you.

The good news is that all you need is a computer and aninternet connection to get started. Thefirst thing to do is find an online dating site that fits your needs. There are the large sites that offer manyextras like live video chat and even match you up with ladies using yourprofiles and, also, a lot of sites that cater to special interests likereligious preferences, outdoor enthusiasts, gays, etc. You need to choose oneor two that will meet your needs. Idon’t recommend the free sites. The paidsites have a money back guarantee if you aren’t satisfied and the investment issmall. A whole month costs less than onedinner and movie date.

The next thing you need to do is write a killer, but honest,profile and upload a recent but flattering picture of yourself. Now you are all set. Start contacting ladies whose profiles soundinteresting to you and answer any lady who contacts you…and do so promptly…not,however, on holidays or weekends. Youdon’t want to appear that desperate. Don’t give up after a month and think you will never find the right ladyfor you. New people join online datingservices daily and at least half of them are ladies many, of whom, will want tomeet you.

Online Dating is Not a Contest

2011-12-25T01:00:00.000-08:00

Online dating is not a competition between competing males for the attention of a female. Grow up. Change your mind set from “winning” to “searching”. This isn’t high school. You are all grown up and have been for quite some time, now. Your attitude is the most important asset you have. You should like yourself and not concentrate of all of the things that aren’t YOUR idea of the perfect guy…the one the all women want.

What is that women want, you ask? That’s the age old question. Being of the female persuasion myself, I can tell you a few things women want and don’t want.

Women want a man to be confident…NOT an arrogant jerk. There’s a big difference. You need to like yourself and not be self depreciating but you don’t need to come across like you believe that you are a gift to them from God and have just fallen from the sky. They don’t want you to think that THEY just fell from heaven and are some kind of perfect being, either. They can’t live up to that expectation.

Women want a communicator. The “strong silent type” really isn’t appealing at all. They think you probably don’t have an original thought in your head and you probably haven’t heard a word they said, either or that you just don’t care what they said or didn’t even hear what they said. They want you to be interesting enough to want to know more about you and they want you to think that they are interesting enough to ask intelligent questions about what is important to them, too.

Women do NOT want to be a prize to be won. They don’t want to be a trophy. They want to be the ONE woman that you want to be with.

Online Dating Safety For Men

2011-12-25T00:59:00.000-08:00

Almost everything you read about online dating safety is directed at women but men need to be concerned as well. Perverts, sexual predators and weirdoes come in both sexes, all sizes, and all ages…as do, liars and cheaters. So men need to stay on guard, too.

It is common knowledge not to readily give out personal information to strangers. The reason for not doing so is as large as the number of strangers who want that information. If you come across a person who is giving out personal information and asking others to do the same, don’t do it. You don’t know what they want to use it for….and you had better believe they want to use it for something. That “something” will not be for your benefit. Men, also, need to guard their real names, addresses, phone numbers, and place of employment. Do not give that information to anyone online until you are confident that they are who they say they are.

Men, be wary of women who seem too financially needy. If they ask for money, in any of a dozen ways women can ask for money, cut the relationship off immediately. They are not looking for love or even friendship….they are looking for financial help.

If a woman gives you a contact number but you cannot ever reach her at that number, beware. If you always have to page them or text them and have them call you back, this could be a sign that what they are telling you is not the complete truth.

A need to get married and insecurity are other signs men should be very wary of. If the woman is pushing too hard for a commitment you aren’t ready to make, it might be a good time to head for the nearest exit.

3 Online Dating Mistakes to Avoid

2011-12-25T00:57:00.000-08:00

While you search the internet for that special lady…the one of your dreams…your soul-mate…the other half of yourself, you can do a lot of things right. Sadly, you can, also, do a lot of things wrong….things that will guarantee failure and a broken heart. Out in the “real” world, being aggressive, demanding perfection and even little white lies are all ingredients for success. However, those same qualities are killers when you are dating online and off line, too, for that matter.

There is a big difference between being aggressive or confident and being too aggressive, over-confident, or just plain sleazy or slimy from a woman’s point of view. If you push too hard for a face-to-face, you will come across as too aggressive…maybe even, scary. Try to remember that you are not trying to close a business deal and keep the relationship progressing at a slow but steady pace. Patience is the key.

Nobody is perfect. We are all flawed in some way or another…and that includes you, as well. If you expect the woman to be absolutely perfect and demand that, you will always be disappointed. Demanding perfectionism in your work is one thing. Demanding perfectionism from a friend, co-worker or a lady you are interested in is not just fine. It won’t happen. Expect flaws and just deal with them. Decide the ones you can live with and those you can’t.

Little white lies and false fronts won’t work. Be honest from the beginning of a relationship. Write your profile. Make it interesting but don’t make false statements. The truth will come out eventually anyway. If you say you are a lawyer who makes a million bucks a year and you are really an electrician that makes $75,000, you have set yourself up for failure.

Remember…don’t be too aggressive, expect to ever find perfection or put on a false front.

2010-12-09T07:09:00.001-08:00

Just Have Fun and Enjoy Your Life!!

We all complain about our lives from time to time. An unexpected expense comes up or we get laid off from our jobs. So many things can happen to us in even just one day. Unfortunately, complaining is a waste of time. It is a grown up version of whining, and yes, we too have tantrums. The key to enjoying life is in how we react to the events and mishaps in our daily lives.